The icy howling wind lashed at my dry skin as I pounded along the open coast. The thunderous noise matched only by the crashing storm surges and relentless pounding of my heart. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins, a series of electrical signals triggering the chemical reaction. I gasped in heavy breaths, desperately replacing the depleting oxygen.

I felt the darkness on my back even as I threw myself towards the retreating sun, it’s burning scarlet beams tinting the swirling surf the colour of blood. Shadowy tendrils were hot on my heels, snatching at my legs.

Fear drove me onwards; sweat pooling in my brow as I struggled to pull in the next ragged breath.

Sand stung my face, grazing my cheeks as I ran, blinded by the rough granules. The pain just added to my burning muscles, increasing the mismatch of terror and determination.

Tears spilt from my eyes, the rolling beads no different from the salty spray that billowed around me.

I needed to escape the writhing darkness. There was no other option. It was do or die.

I leapt from the peak of a dune, agony shooting through my ankles as I landed awkwardly barely halfway down. Terror exploded through me, tightening my chest as I realized the momentum was too much.

I fell, tumbling head over heels, broken shells slicing into my bare arms. I hissed at the sharp stinging, scrambling up urgently. Meters away monstrous waves pounded the shore, throwing up a white spray that caught in the swirling winds before cascading down upon the darkening shore.

I had run out of room, the only escape leading into the violent swells. Sharp tendrils lashed at my back, giving me no option but to keep moving.

I threw myself into the surging water, the ferocious waves threatening to pulverize me into the sand before I even entered its dangerous embrace. The salty waters soaked through my clothes, weighing me down as I waded out further and further. The scarlet water hurtled on top of me, soaking through my thin clothes and pushing me back towards the beach where the shadows waited. But I had to push on; I couldn’t let the darkness take me.

I fought harder, trying to run as well as swim, my legs pushing off the bottom as I stormed forwards.

Soon enough the sand fell away beneath me, leaving me to struggle against the swells that threatened to drown me. I had gotten past the point where the waves broke, no longer plunging down on top of me, leaving rough but open ocean. Yet my energy was fading, each stroke causing me to dip lower in the deep oceanic water as my desperate strokes got fewer and weaker.

I didn’t know how much further I could go, struggling as the sun became little more than a glimmer on the horizon, the surging sea now a deep purple. Without the sun the darkness would get me, something I simply couldn`t risk.
Fear formed as a heavy lump in my throat. I couldn’t make it. I’d known I couldn’t from the start, holding on to the hopes of the damned. The distance was too much, my body protesting the further I swam.

As though sensing that I was loosing hope the deep waters seemed to press in around me, pushing me back every time I inched forwards. It was like I was caught in a rip, yet instead of leading me out to sea the thick swirling waters dragged me back towards the gloomy darkness that waited to consume me. It pulled at my limbs, tugging me down until the freezing waters covered my skull washing over me as it filled my ears, the salty substance stinging my eyes.

‘No…’

I couldn’t let the water take me. I’d come too far to give up now. I’d escaped the darkness only to let the ocean have me. No. I wouldn’t let that happen.

I struggled harder, my lungs burning as I rushed towards the surface. I was inches from the surface, hands reaching out and just skimming the air before the waters ceased me. Everything was black, pressure from all sides. I couldn’t get up, I couldn’t escape. This was my end…

‘I can’t give up! You won’t take me! I want to live!’

White…

Silence…

Absolute nothingness stretching out into eternity as I found myself floating through the ivory unknown.

Then came the pain.

Agonizing currents flooded my body, twisting everything inside out. The nothing began to change, darkening to tones of grey before flooding into a raven darkness. Like I was dropped from a height throbbing pain erupted on my left side, the world around me becoming solid beneath my collapsed form.

Icy chills began to creep in, freezing my bones as I ran a hand over the coarse unyielding surface beneath me. The ground, colder than my frozen body, scraped at my skin, each movement stinging my palms.

I found I couldn’t move my lower body, numbing cold restricting any muscle movement. I tried to pry my eyes open, the lids plastered together. I managed a crack, blurrily peering at the scene around me, random flashes of red and blue making my head spin.

Sound was muffled, only my breathing echoing around me.

A sharp crunch alerted me to someone’s presence, a shining black boot appearing within my blurry vision. I blinked as I tried to bring it into focus, looking past it and seeing a wheel of a car. The rest of the metal beast lay dented and smashed, glass exploded across the dark tarmac. I felt myself frowning, trying to remember what was going on.

“They’re awake!”

The voice came from the owner of the boot, the close proximity sending my pounding head spinning. I tried to look up, but I couldn’t hold on long enough to see their face as I was dragged back down into murky unconsciousness.

Hannah Frankland 10G

Anxiety: A true passage

It started far away from me. It was waiting at street corners and staring through keyholes, but I was untouchable to it. It could barely hurt me, barely see me, and I barely noticed it. I was safe in the embrace of childhood and warm glow of my elders.

But that was then. That was when everything was alright. My mind was clear, my thoughts were light and plausible.

Things changed. It grew stronger. It learned, and observed. It began to draw closer. It closed in on me and everything I thought I knew about myself and my life.

But my will still held great strength, I thought I knew what I was doing. How to fight it. How to seek help. But my explanations failed, and the confused stares of those around me disheartened my confidence. Yet they told me that everything will be alright. They lied. From then on I knew I was alone in the battle. A single warrior taking on the world and its army of the fallen.

I’d scarcely mind the strain on my shoulders, if not for the ache splitting my spine. Painful enough to warrant ripping it out. I dig my nails into my skin, a distraction from the pain and discomfort.

It was all I could think of, this thing, this feeling. Though it isn’t foreign to me, it still grinds my comfort into dust every time. It’s heavier now, engulfing, like a looming shadow. A presence behind me at every turn. I feel it clinging to me, like it’s hanging on for dear life, it’s dark and distorted, intimidating my very core. Forcing me into submission to do its bidding, its every whim.

But alas, I know there is nothing. I know that this monster can never be proven, never be caught. Never be stopped. Because in reality it isn’t there. Yet still the ache increases with each day, like vicious claws impaling my skin. And the pressure is crushing at the back of my neck. The tension grips my throat as it forces me into claustrophobia. Confined in solitude, alone. Until the mere thought of company burns my skin and scorns my flesh.

I am its life force. Without me it dies. In an attempt to survive, its hold is strangling and draining. So much so that it darkens my eyes and clouds my mind. It shortens my breath and accelerates my heart. It wants me. Sadistically, it tortures me. And even as I groan, shake and cry in the darkness of my own refuge, it still pursues me without pity.

It stares into the pit of my soul and ignites my darkest fears. Plaguing my mind night and day. Suffocating my will to fight. This thing, this monstrosity, knows me better than I know myself. The panic and hyperventilation has become my norm, And every day is like marching into battle.

This weight on my shoulders is drowning my light and murdering my soul, day by day. Its distorted body, shredded fingers and tangled hair haunts my nightmares. Screaming in my ears through its pointed, rotting teeth, its words sit painfully like acid at the back of my mind. Its discoloured skin blends into the scattered remains of my life as I frantically try to pick up the pieces.

And despite my attempts to destroy it, despite the feeling of finally being free, it always finds me. Growing stronger, clinging tighter. Forcing me into withdrawal once again.

I feel the stab of eyes staring through me, watching my every move, waiting for a mistake, waiting for a wound to latch onto and rip apart. It unravels my world at the seams, destroys all the happiness inside and stitches me back up like nothing’s wrong. Stitch a smile across my face and send me off to the battle field, to face my demons with a forced grin and arms opened only by the strings tied to me by the puppet master, I am the marionette. It controls my every thought and pushes me forward into danger as I recline for reality.

But I know that I am not alone. Everyone is burdened with demons, taking different names and different forms. In classrooms, offices, and on the street, they cling to their vessels. Some sit high on the shoulders, others cling to the spine, and some are dragged along behind the victim, like shackles. Always following, always growing. Some stalk at a distance and others are so close you can hear their jagged breathing and thumping heart. They hiss at authority and snarl at comminations.

This is my demon. My burden to bare and it takes the summoning of a great strength, a power from within to stand and fight. To say “I am not afraid” to scream into the heavens “You cannot hurt me!” and you will repeat these affirmations until your throat is dry, your nails are bitten down to the skin and your head pounds. It’s time to stand up and push on, through the darkness, through the storm and lay waste to your insecurities, your enemies. I’ll allow the light to engulf me, droplets of sun rain down upon me and wash away my anguish and melt through my chains of restraint, to destroy the darkness and rip this monster from me.

Its fight or flight and it’s time to destroy your wings and pick up your sword.

By Sienna-Rose .J. Ruigrok

Winning entry Junior Section.

Lily Ray-14G-Year 7 S.E.A.L

The Song of a Victim

I scar my skin,

To help me feel,

It takes my pain,

And makes it real.

The deeper cuts,

You give to me,

They scar my soul,

Where none can see.

There is so little,

I can do,

To get away,

To protect myself from you.

When I am weak,

It makes you strong,

Alienate me,

And you belong.

From your hurtful taunts,

Your cruel abuse,

I must escape,

I must break loose.

I disappear,

Deep inside,

This is my only retreat,

My place to hide.

Hidden away,

I gather my strength,

And dream of a day,

I know will come at length.

Of when I steal my power,

Back from you,

When your days of superiority,

Are finally through.

And I know that some day,

All you’ll be,

Is just an ugly,

Memory…

Bring a gold coin or a book to swap.

Choose a book from those on the shelves…

Thanks for your support.

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